What do MEN want?
by Chocolatebrowneyes
Summary: Something terrible happenes to Hermoine. She gets into a wand accident giving her the ability to hear what boys and men think . She first thinks it's a curse but she uses it to her advantage. hee heee! ;)
1. Sleepin beauty

Chapter 1 One Unhappy Camper  
  
Paring: I dunno? It's up to me magic fingers Hermione and ?  
  
Rating: PG-13 kissing/ mild cursing  
  
Summary: Hermione is feeling very deprived on her birthday. So she goes out with a bang.  
  
A/N: I love this story – Flamers BEWARE!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing only the plot and I own their thoughts.  
  
Here it goes...  
  
Classes were starting and the breakfast halls were quickly filling up. Hogwarts students were happy and on good terms all except for one Hogwarts student.  
  
~Hermoine's dorm~  
  
Hermione's clock rang the alarm and sent a very startled girl to her floor with a "clump!" Hermione groaned in agony, today was her birthday and she had already woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She quickly untangled herself from her beds sheets and looked at her clock lazily. 7:00 am – she grunted and headed to her bathroom, but to her dismay she lost her step causing her to trip and she stepped on Crooksanks tail. There were mixed screeches of Crooksanks and Hermoine falling face first to her hardwood floor.  
  
She quickly arouse and apologized to Crooksanks. She proceeded to walking to her bathroom when she heard a knock at her door. She walked cautiously, carefully making sure that Crooksanks tail wasn't in the way. She opened the door and found Fred and George at her door. They took one look at "Sleeping Beauty" and started laughing uncontrollably.  
  
Hermoine looked at her self and stared to blush. She was wearing her Spongebob Squarepants boxers and her white wife beater, her hair was one foot in the air and she had a drool line on her left cheek. She quickly ran back inside her room and whispered "Not on my birthday". She quickly brushed her teeth, showered, changed out of her boxers into her school skirt, and out of her white wife beater into her school sweater and wore her white adiddas. She detangled her hair and applied lip-gloss to her lips. She grabbed her book and wand and started for the door. On her way to the door she apologized again to Crooksanks and met Fred and George at the door again.  
  
Fred and George were staring at her again so she said, "So what do you want?" She waited for a reply. Fred nudged George. "OH- would you like to try some of my new candies Fred and I just made- said Fred getting cut off by Hermoine.  
  
"Hell no" she said and smiled. She walked past George and Fred. They followed her to breakfast. George kept stopping her to ask her about another one of his invention candies. She walked ahead and looked at the Great Hall. "SURPRISE- HAPPY BIRTHDAY- HERMOINE!!!"  
  
She was so startled that she lost footing and fell down the stairs- head first.  
  
Damn gurl. Well read and review I have good ideas for next chapters. Also I don't know who I might pair her with, it's up to me magic fingers. 


	2. the guest

Hey I am back, sorry to keep you waiting for so long on my update. Please don't hurt me, lol. I love the reviews I've received. More humor on the way I will be updating my old stories as well as my new stories ASAP and I hope that you have a look at those too. Until then here's my story.  
  
Chapter: Uninvited guest.  
  
Paring: Hermione/?  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Genre: Romance/Humor  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but their thoughts.  
  
Summary: Hermione tries to play off the "SURPRISE" fiasco while "someone uninvited" I'll leave that up to you to find that out crash her party.  
  
******  
  
.... There was complete silence. Hermione got up off the floor, brushed her self off and blushed "I am okay". Trying to change the subject George said "Surprise!!" everyone had a good laugh and the party continued with presents, laughs, and rather funny moments from Neville finding his frog in his pants, to when Ginny confessed that she used to have a crush on Snape.  
  
Hermione looked around, The Great Hall was full of people that she befriended from different houses. Music filled the halls, and food was laid out on every table. The decorations were unbelievable, and she thought they forgot her birthday. Hermione danced to her favorite song of all time "Thriller", and knew every dance step since she saw the video about a million times. Everyone was shocked that she danced and she grew even more shocked when everyone joined.  
  
Finally, getting tired she walked across the dance floor to an empty table, and there she thought of how good of a time she was having- all except for the "Surprise" thing of course. Hermione vaguely looked around the dance floor. She had to suppress a laugh when she saw Angelina and Fred grinding to a Muggle song that she heard many a time "Thong song". She drunk her butter beer and looked across the room. Hermione grew nervous when she saw Ron approaching her table. She cussed under her breath and pretended not to see Ron as she looked down at her fingers taking a sip of her drink every once a while.  
  
Ron sat at the table and took Hermione's hands into his. Hermione looked down. Ron tried to search her face for emotions that she could have been feeling. Her fingers were trembling so he let them go. He pushed a stray strand for Hermione's face trying to start a conversation he said, "Cool party ...huh?" he said, "I want to wish you a happy birthday," Ron continued. He pulled out a sliver bracelet with a strawberry charm. Hermione's eyes widened, she pulled Ron in tight embrace. "Whatever happened to us... I miss us," said Ron whispering in her ear. Hermione was about to explain to Ron about their past relationship when suddenly, the Great Hall door burst opened.  
  
Everything froze... The music stopped, Angelina and Fred stopped dancing, and Lee Jordan stopped DJ-ing. Complete silence rang through out the halls as a very "uninvited guest" came through the door.  
  
Draco, (A/N: how mysterious does his name sound? -lol), pushed past Neville who had lost his frog once again and was trying to fish it out of the punch bowl. Draco searched the room. Hermione caught a glimpse of who it was and cursed under her breath once more.  
  
Ron saw Hermine leave the table and debated on weather he should go or not. He could tell there was tension.  
  
Hermione pushed past the crowd and saw Draco near the food bar stuffing his face with cakes and drinking butter beer, crumbs everywhere. Draco saw Hermione walking over to him and quickly wiped his face free of crumbs. Hermione looked him up and down. He looked... wasted. Draco pushed his hair back and grinned "Like what you see?" Debating on weather to give an answer she said "Draco what are you doing here?" she said looking around as a crowd grew near. "Where was Ron" she thought.  
  
~R~ Ron was trying to push through the crowd, noticing a very drunk Draco he paused. "What the hell is Draco doing here? He thought. Looking to see who Draco was talking to, Ron continued to push past the crowd.  
  
~H~  
  
Draco staggered close to Hermione inches away he looked at Hermione and whispered in her ear "Happy birthday Hermione" Hermione was shocked completely shocked. Wasn't he going to say "Happy Mudblood-day Granger?". No, he must be drunk, and so he was going about crashing her party like a screeching Banshee and eating the cakes with not edicate.  
  
~R~ Ron was close to see now what was going on. He clutched his fist. "If he tries anything stupid I'll..." thought Ron. But what was up next he wasn't ready for.  
  
~H~ Draco leaned in on Hermione and ...  
  
**** Ha HA Ha sorry to keep ya on your toes. More of the following will continue in my next chapter as to why Draco was there, and what was going on between Ron and Hermione.  
  
I would like to thank the Academy...No...I would like to thank the reviewers who reviewed this:  
  
Average Jane- I might not pair her up with Harry, but hey! It all depends- right?  
  
Chellery- I think you for your review. hmmm... you never know.  
  
Nastyslacks- Good idea but-MAYBE  
  
Marz- Thanks I love it when my chapter makes people laugh.  
  
Until then keep close watch for next updates. I thank you all for your reviews again...lol. I must eat chocolate. 


	3. BREATH!

Hello,hello,hello

Count Oloaf Series of unfortunate events.( you should go see that movie).

Chapter: 3 Breathe

Paring: Hermione?

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance/Humor

Disclaimer: I own nothing but their thoughts.

Summary: Second part to univited guest .Hermoine has a problem breathing!...

* * *

"Draco what the hell do you think your doing?" said a stern voice. Everyone turned around to see Ron. Draco casted his gaze on him and walked away from Hermione.

"Hmm," Draco scratched his chin,"I was going to ask you the same," he said cocking his blonde eyebrow.

"You didn't answer my question, Malfoy." Ron snaped taking two stepps closer to him.

"Woa, now," Draco held his hands up in defence,"you don't want to destroy "little princesses" party over a little hissy-fit now, Weasel?" Draco looked back at Hermione then to Ron with a unnatural smirk."You don't want to lose her for good," he whispered so that only Ron could hear.

Ron pulled out his wand as did Draco who took it out slowly. He mumbled some words and shook his head.

"You sure you want to do this," he laughed softly. "You don't want to embrass yourself."

Ron grew angry and flicked his wand, but to his regret, no affect came.

"Hmm, well-" Draco flicked his wand with no effort and a shot of black sparkles came out and hit Ronon his chest knocking him a few feet. He clutched his sideas Draco was about to strike again but Hermione stood in the way in front of him.

"Leave HIM alone!"

"Aw, well the fun only just begun, dearie," Draco said mockingly as he pushed her out the way.

"G'off her you filty-" Harry drew out his wand and moved over to strike Draco but it he was faster with Harry. Draco had him in his trap. Harry laid over in pain with Ron.

Fred and George were being held back by Katie and Lee as Angelina and Alicia tried to console Ginny.

Draco chuckled deeply and held onto Crabbe's shoulder for support. Hermione did not like this however and got up off the floor from where he pushed her. Shegave a swift kick to his-

"Omie-Mummy!" screetched Draco holding onto his(eh-em).

Hermione ran over to Harry and Ron but not before glaring at Draco who was currently in a fetal postion on the floor looking like a total ass-which he was.

"You two okay?"

"Yeah-

"No-" said Ron , "I feel like I'm having a baby!" groaned Ron.

Draco staggered to his feet still holding his..goods with a red face.

"Hermione watch out!"

Draco stood and aimed his wand at Ron but once again Hermoine was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She fell to the floor in a hot second. Harry grabbed Draco by the collar as Ron rushed over to her side.

Roncraddled her head on his lap. Harry shoved Draco out the hall and Crabbe and Goyle rushed behind Draco's still groaning form, grabbing cakes and cookies as they slipped away from the croud.

"How is she?" sopke Lee.

Ron pushed his two fingers againstHermoine's wrist for a pulse.

"She-"

"She what?" said George aghast.

"She's not breathing!"

"Om my god!" said Katie dropping her punch onto the floor.

**

* * *

Sugar n spice 522- thank you glad you enjoyed my second chapter:)**

**T**- I know I'm sorry about that. Will you read anyway:)

**nastyslacks** I 100 precentagree. Boys think the dirtiest things but... I must keep it PG-13 lol

**Lily G- **I still don't know and no she can't read their minds just yet.

thank you to everyoneI love you all! and review.


	4. So she ran

Chapter: Uninvited guest.

Paring: Hermione?

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance/Humor

Disclaimer: I own nothing but their thoughts.

Summary:

Ron cradled her head on his lap. Harry shoved Draco out the hall and Crabbe and Goyle rushed behind Draco's still groaning form, grabbing cakes and cookies as they slipped away from the crowd.

"How is she?" spoke Lee.

Ron pushed his two fingers against Hermione's wrist for a pulse.

"She-"

"She what?" said George aghast.

"She's not breathing!"

"Oh my god!" said Katie dropping her punch onto the floor.

Continued…

Hermione sat up in bed I alarm. Was she dreaming? She felt a cold hand touch her small wrist. She gasped.

"It's okay," the nurse spoke comforting Hermione smiling. "You're progressing very well. If you're okay depending if you're feeling well then you can leave tomorrow morning. For now some visitors are ready to see you."

Harry and Ron entered the room smiling. "Hermione your okay," Harry smiled hugging her.

'-Oh thank you she's okay. If she wasn't I'd have to kick the shit out of Draco. Merlin has sent you two angels Malfoy-'

Hermione looked up at Ron strangely. She shook her head she swore she heard something.

_I know I'm not hearing things._

Hermione smiled at Ron who stood there. "Hi Ron," she smiled hugging him.

'-Oh my god she smells so good-'

Hermione pulled back away staring at Ron. "What's wrong?"

'-Do I have something on my face? Is it my breath? What is she looking at?-'

"Stop it, Ron."

"What are you talking about?" Harry said looking alarmed.

"What is this a joke? One of those tricks your brother gave me in the gifts? I know I'm not hallucinating."

"No-"

"Yeah, whatever it's brilliant," Hermione spoke yarning feeling weird. After a few moments the nurse came over with a tray of things to care for Hermione.

"You two should maybe go. She needs her rest."

"Goodnight, Hermione!"

"Sleep well, Hermione." Ron waved smiling.

"Night, Ron and Harry."

'-Sweet dreams Angel-'

"You too Ron," Hermione smiled.

"What? I didn't…yeah you too and… and such." And he and Harry left the Hospital Wing. Hermione closed her eyes-then shot them back open. Her mind was racing rapidly. She rubbed her temple hopping it would soon go away. Hermione began to hear distant voices focusing in and out.

"Mrmmm," she mumbled lowly closing her eyes.

'-Your crazy'-

'-You don't say-'

'-Do I really treat her like that-'

'-What if she doesn't want to-'

'-Make her shut up please-'

'-What is that smell-'

"-I never thought Harry felt that way-'

'-Yeah I know talk about that. Sue's been acting strange-.'

"-I hate her!-"

"-Your crazy-"

"No I'm not!" Hermione yelled sitting up in her room. She took a deep breath falling back onto her bed staring at the ceiling.

"Your not what?" asked Luna Lovegood her roommate.

"I'm not crazy."

"I know neither am I."

Luna suddenly pulled the curtains back complaining about how dark it was, shining the sun on Hermione. She groaned and pulled the covers back over her head. Luna hopped on the bed and began to do jumping jags.

"What are you doing?" Hermione wanted to yell but felt her head going a million other places.

"Working out."

"What?"

Luna made Hermione's homework into a megaphone. "WORKING OUT!"

"Luna! What time is it?" Hermione covered her ears.

"Oh, it's eight thirty why?" she said playing with her pigtails.

"WHAT?"

Hermione rushed down the hall tripping on her robes with her head throbbing madly. It was then that she collided with someone she really didn't want to see.

"Watch out muddblood. Better yet where's your little Weasel pet?"

"Back off ferret boy!" Hermione yelled pointing her wand at Draco's chest in warning her other hand holding her head.

"Stay out of my way, Granger…" Draco paused as of noticing Hermione for the first time. His eyes slowly lowered.

'I wonder if she notices that her blouse is unbuttoned'

Draco stared down at her and wiggled his eyebrows.

Clutching his jaw whimpering Hermione walked away with her head high to Potions class. She never put up with Draco's mess and lately violence has been working well with her.

"15 points From Gryffindor," Snape sneered as soon as Hermione walked into class. She took a seat next to Dean. Harry and Ron waved at her. That's when she felt the most pain hit her to her right temple. She wanted to fall to the floor scream even.

'-Ginny looks so pretty from here-'

Hermione looked to her right. Dean was looking straightforward at Snape and his lesson. Then she saw him glance back at Ginny. He sighed.

'-I hope Pansky remembers to shows up-'

'-Crap I lost Trevor again-Trevor where are you?-" She saw Neville search his pickets in alarm.

"-Why can't I tell her I love her?-"

"-Damn this rash is killing me I wonder if that Hufflepuff…-"

Hermione pressed her hands against her ears.

"-Potter I hate him he's so much like James…I wish I was James-"

"-Shit did I just ….not it's just water-"

"Granger the answer please," Snape scowled. All eyes were Hermione.

"-Wow Granger sure does have nice…-" Hermione covered her shirt up catching Samuel looking at her.

"-Why won't he just leave Hermione alone-"

Hermione felt like her head was going to explode. Why was everyone looking at her…why was she hearing voices? Male voices?

_No this can't be happening…can it? How?_

"Granger!"

"Yes?"

"The Question."

Hermione made a weird face from all the pain that hitting her head.

'-Ha-ha she looks constipated-'

'-What's up with her…maybe it's her blood…mud bloods meh-' Draco rolled his eyes and began cleaning his nails.

'-Say something damn it-'

'-What is wrong with her?-'

'-Why is she staring at us like that-'

'-She's gone mental I knew it-' She caught Ron looking around in panic.

"GRANGER!"

"WHAT!" she screamed getting up leaving the Potions class in a hurry. She slammed the door behind herself to get rid of all the voices she was suddenly hearing. Hermione could hear them through the walls…the ceilings. She had to leave.

So she ran….


End file.
